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Anatomy of a Chiefing

In this little feature I am going to break down a real live chiefing incendent and hopefully give you some ideas for the next time your friend passes out.

This example takes place at a small gathering of friends. One of the guys, who I'll call Wim for the purposes of this article, displays signs that he will become our victim. In addition to the obvious, I am referring to the fact that he has spilled all over himself and his hair has exploded.

Yep, just as we suspected. Unfortunately for Wim, he will unknowingly be the focus of the party for the next hour. Fortunately for us, he is a deep sleeper and currently in an alcohol-induced coma. Let the games begin!

When chiefing some one, it is usually best to start small so you can at least get a couple of pictures in case they wake up. We started off by putting a Marvin the Martian doll's face in his ass. I know that's pretty weak, but just wait. It gets better - I promise.

Next, if they are wearing shoes it is a good idea to tie their shoelaces together. This way, if they do wake up, then at least you might get to see something funny. If they don't wake up, then it is time to bust out the permanent markers and makeup.

We started on his face and were amazed that he didn't wake up, even as we colored around his eyes. Maybe we should have called an ambulance, but damnit, we were having too much fun. Don't stop at just the face, give the whole body a makeover. Drawing phallic symbols in permanent pen is always fun, and if you are a real jerk, draw in hidden (but visible) places that the person isn't likely to find before work on Monday.

At this point, Wim had officially been chiefed, but we weren't done yet. You don't get too many opportunities to chief a dead guy and there was one more thing that needed to be done. That's right... We filled his shorts and pockets with shaving cream. Wim was very cooperative and rolled over several times allowing us to get the front and back.

Needless to say, Wim didn't feel very good when he woke up the next morning. After shaking out the cobwebs and trying to get up, he untied his shoes, and spent a few moments pondering what the sticky stuff in his pants was. He likely feared that he had a terrible accident and b-lined for his car. On the way home, he decides to go through the McDonalds drive through because greasy prison food is so appealing when you are hungover. Shortly after pulling out of McDonalds, he catches a glimpse of his face in his rearview mirror and he sees the full scope of what has happened to him. I'll bet that was a long ride home.

Part II - Lessons Not Learned
Most people would would be more careful after an event such as this, but not our friend "Wim". He passes out again, ironically about 6 inches from the location of the previous incedent. We might have left him alone, but look at that horrific mesh shirt! He was just asking for it.

This time, our chiefers dumped some Southern Comfort on his ass. Personally, I would have rather that SoCo went in my mouth than "Wim's" ass, but we must sacrifice for art. After the SoCo enema, Wim gets an old-fashioned back shellacking, followed by Abu Ghraib prison style abuse.

I look forward to bringing you part III which will happen as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

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